Priority

It's been a very difficult week for me.  As my housemate so eloquently put it, "Your week's been a load of [expletive] [expletive]."  Moving into my residence, about a 20 minute bike ride from Redeemer University College, checking in, that's all normal.  And yet, I'm so unbelievably tired as I write this.  If I wasn't watching a movie with company over at the moment, I'd go to bed.  Part of it is that it's one in the morning.  But the largest part of my exhaustion is the result of a grueling week of soccer tryouts.

I was so excited by the prospect of playing for Redeemer for a third year.  So excited to play again that I fought through a twisted ankle, a damaged rotator cuff, heat, rain, and turf burn.  And the coaches decided that I was no longer in their plans.  I was cut.

I've been cut before, so it's not like I've never been disappointed by a sports team.  This one cut deep though.  I spent weeks preparing myself mentally for this season.  I skipped family camping and missed my cousin's birthday.  I gave everything I could.  And it wasn't enough.

I'm definitely disappointed.  I feel like I missed a lot, just to spend a week figuring out I wasn't good enough.  All I got out of it was a weak ankle, a very sore shoulder, and no roster spot.  Oh, and this post.

Where were my priorities before and after?  I can say now that soccer was always high on the list.  Definitely higher than my school work, and maybe even higher than relationships with some or all of my friends.  That has changed now.  I have time now for school, time to strengthen relationships, and time especially to cement my relationship with God.  Still, I can't help feeling that now I've missed so many things - that not only have I wasted a week, but I've wasted two years of my life sitting on the bench, playing occasionally.  Two years of sitting down, letting in goals, making some saves, and fighting through, at the very least my fair share of injuries, and at the most my own and someone else's.  What have I missed all that time?  How much time did I waste trying to reach a goal that I'll never attain now?  How many times could I have made a real difference in someone's life and just passed them by becasue I was too focused on getting between the pipes to notice?

How much time have I spent away from God while trying to be a better goalie?  As someone who is majoring in Religion and Theology, someone who hopes to attend seminary when I graduate, I can absolutely say that my neither my head nor my heart were tuned in to God when I was playing or practicing.  I'm competitive to a fault, and with that comes a little bit too much intensity.  I swore like a drunk sailor when I was on the field.  It was one of the few places where I was ever openly angry; anger was not only directed at my opponents, but at the officials, myself, and sometimes even my teammates - although to be fair, I was mostly angry at myself for not meeting the goals I set for myself, and wouldn't take that out on anyone else.

Thankfully, it's the first week of school, so I can do some learning.  Taking this forced step back from the game I invested so much in has helped me to see where I've gone wrong - my priorities.  I did not put God first.  I put my dream of being Redeemer's starting goalie first.  That dream has died.  It hasn't been put on hold; I won't be coming back.  You could say I'm announcing my retirement.  It had to happen sooner or later, and while I would rather have had it end on my terms, I can settle for this.

So what do I take from this other than a difficult lesson?  A Bible passage that I've been reading almost my whole life - a passage which has a meaning I never really fully comprehended until now: "Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful for the time I spent on the team.  I was proud to be a Royal, even if my throne was the bench.  But now, without that taking up all my evenings, I can see a little more clearly now.  I'm able to focus more on the things that are really important to me - my relationships with God, friends, and family; my studies, and the quality time I can spend enhancing all of these things.

I just want to encourage all of you who read this to step back from your lives and take a hard look at the things that are biggest in your life.  If your priorities don't involve God being on the top, then shift them.  If you place yourself above your fellow human beings, then shift them.  It's not easy to do this, and it might take a heavenly slap in the face like I got.  But you will be better for it in the end.