I don't know how many of you follow baseball at all, but even if you don't, you may have heard about the historically bad outing by Vin Mazzaro of the Kansas City Royals. If you haven't, here's your rundown:
In their game Monday against the Cleveland Indians, starter Kyle Davies got one out in the first inning, loaded the bases, and left with a sore shoulder. Nate Adcock came in and lasted until the top of the third inning, when he walked Indians catcher Carlos Santana. Then Mazzaro came on. He finished the third without incident.
Then the fourth destroyed him.
First baseman Matt LaPorta singled, then was erased in a fielder's choice (for my non-baseball friends, that's when a batter hits the ball with a runner on first; the runner on first goes to second and is thrown out, but the batter heading to first is safe, preventing a double play). So it doesn't look so bad at this point: a runner on first and one out. Micheal Brantley followed with a walk to put runners on first and second, then Asdrubal Cabrera singled. Jack Hannahan, who had grounded into the fielder's choice and was on second, scored. Shin-Soo Choo then flew out to deep center field, but Brantley tagged up and moved to third. 1 in, 2 on, 2 out. Cabrera then stole second, but it didn't matter as the next batter, Santana, drew his second walk. Bases loaded, 1 out. Travis Hafner didn't keep the bases loaded for long, hitting a double which knocked in all three runners. 4 runs in, runner on second, 2 out. Orlando Cabrera followed up with a single to score Hafner. That's five runs in now, with a runner on and still 2 out. Still a chance to get out of it. Nope. Travis Buck hit an infield single to the shortstop to put runners on first and second. Then LaPorta came up again. He hit a double, scoring both Buck and O. Cabrera. Hannahan followed with a single to right, putting two runners on base. Again. This time, Brantley hit a home run to deep center field. 10 runs. Still 2 out. Finally, mercifully, A. Cabrera struck out to end it.
How bad was that one inning? Every hitter got on base at least once except for Choo. In fact, Choo and Santana were the only ones without a base hit. LaPorta had two hits in the inning, Brantley reached base with the walk and the homer.
The worst part? Manager Ned Yost made Mazzaro go out for the fifth. IT'S 13-1. WHY LEAVE HIM TO SUFFER?
Anyway... the fifth was mercifully shorter. Mazzaro got Choo to fly out to left field, but then melted down again. Santana doubled, Hafner walked, and O. Cabrera singled. Bases loaded, 1 out. Sound familiar? Well, there wouldn't be a bases clearing double this time up. But Buck did manage a single, which scored Santana. Finally, mercifully, Yost pulled Mazzaro. Of course, his night wasn't officially over. He had put the three runners on base, so if they scored, the runs would be charged to him. Right on cue, LaPorta hit a double, scoring Hafner and Cabrera, and Buck scored on a groundout by Hannahan. 14 runs, 2.1 innings. Kansas City lost, 19-1. Mazzaro was immediately demoted to AAA.
So what would Mazzaro have said after the game? Well, maybe he can sing... so here's a song for him. To the tune of "Make It Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against:
Woah, woah.
Bang, bang go the batted balls
Over the wall, they're gone forever.
This happened Monday,
Now I'm back in Triple-A
Think back to better days
We pitched the major leagues together
Kyle Davies needs a shoulder
I can't keep doing this
Why can't I just get pulled
My manager's a joke
Please, Ned Yost
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
Bang bang from LaPorta's bat
He knocked in four, more than my whole team
This pitching is awful
I'm done sucking, take me out
One team, and we're fading fast
Started good, but we suck again
I'm not helping our cause
But Kyle don't do that again.
It's always darkest when you pitch like that
But now I'm in the minors where I belong
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
My fastball was leaving the park
Faster than it left my hand
My other pitches, well
They just plain sucked
Too many runs have crossed the plate
From the balls I throw,
And the strikes they hit real hard
When will Ned call to the pen?
I need relief, I'm getting creamed
I'm getting smoked, some mercy please?
Some mercy please?
Make it stop, let this end
Mike Brantley raked, Santana was good
Hafner owned, Buck beat throws
Thank goodness I got Choo...
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