It's been a very difficult week for me. As my housemate so eloquently put it, "Your week's been a load of [expletive] [expletive]." Moving into my residence, about a 20 minute bike ride from Redeemer University College, checking in, that's all normal. And yet, I'm so unbelievably tired as I write this. If I wasn't watching a movie with company over at the moment, I'd go to bed. Part of it is that it's one in the morning. But the largest part of my exhaustion is the result of a grueling week of soccer tryouts.
I was so excited by the prospect of playing for Redeemer for a third year. So excited to play again that I fought through a twisted ankle, a damaged rotator cuff, heat, rain, and turf burn. And the coaches decided that I was no longer in their plans. I was cut.
I've been cut before, so it's not like I've never been disappointed by a sports team. This one cut deep though. I spent weeks preparing myself mentally for this season. I skipped family camping and missed my cousin's birthday. I gave everything I could. And it wasn't enough.
I'm definitely disappointed. I feel like I missed a lot, just to spend a week figuring out I wasn't good enough. All I got out of it was a weak ankle, a very sore shoulder, and no roster spot. Oh, and this post.
Where were my priorities before and after? I can say now that soccer was always high on the list. Definitely higher than my school work, and maybe even higher than relationships with some or all of my friends. That has changed now. I have time now for school, time to strengthen relationships, and time especially to cement my relationship with God. Still, I can't help feeling that now I've missed so many things - that not only have I wasted a week, but I've wasted two years of my life sitting on the bench, playing occasionally. Two years of sitting down, letting in goals, making some saves, and fighting through, at the very least my fair share of injuries, and at the most my own and someone else's. What have I missed all that time? How much time did I waste trying to reach a goal that I'll never attain now? How many times could I have made a real difference in someone's life and just passed them by becasue I was too focused on getting between the pipes to notice?
How much time have I spent away from God while trying to be a better goalie? As someone who is majoring in Religion and Theology, someone who hopes to attend seminary when I graduate, I can absolutely say that my neither my head nor my heart were tuned in to God when I was playing or practicing. I'm competitive to a fault, and with that comes a little bit too much intensity. I swore like a drunk sailor when I was on the field. It was one of the few places where I was ever openly angry; anger was not only directed at my opponents, but at the officials, myself, and sometimes even my teammates - although to be fair, I was mostly angry at myself for not meeting the goals I set for myself, and wouldn't take that out on anyone else.
Thankfully, it's the first week of school, so I can do some learning. Taking this forced step back from the game I invested so much in has helped me to see where I've gone wrong - my priorities. I did not put God first. I put my dream of being Redeemer's starting goalie first. That dream has died. It hasn't been put on hold; I won't be coming back. You could say I'm announcing my retirement. It had to happen sooner or later, and while I would rather have had it end on my terms, I can settle for this.
So what do I take from this other than a difficult lesson? A Bible passage that I've been reading almost my whole life - a passage which has a meaning I never really fully comprehended until now: "Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for the time I spent on the team. I was proud to be a Royal, even if my throne was the bench. But now, without that taking up all my evenings, I can see a little more clearly now. I'm able to focus more on the things that are really important to me - my relationships with God, friends, and family; my studies, and the quality time I can spend enhancing all of these things.
I just want to encourage all of you who read this to step back from your lives and take a hard look at the things that are biggest in your life. If your priorities don't involve God being on the top, then shift them. If you place yourself above your fellow human beings, then shift them. It's not easy to do this, and it might take a heavenly slap in the face like I got. But you will be better for it in the end.
Monday 12 September 2011
Wednesday 18 May 2011
A little more lighthearted...Vin Mazzaro's Song.
I don't know how many of you follow baseball at all, but even if you don't, you may have heard about the historically bad outing by Vin Mazzaro of the Kansas City Royals. If you haven't, here's your rundown:
In their game Monday against the Cleveland Indians, starter Kyle Davies got one out in the first inning, loaded the bases, and left with a sore shoulder. Nate Adcock came in and lasted until the top of the third inning, when he walked Indians catcher Carlos Santana. Then Mazzaro came on. He finished the third without incident.
Then the fourth destroyed him.
First baseman Matt LaPorta singled, then was erased in a fielder's choice (for my non-baseball friends, that's when a batter hits the ball with a runner on first; the runner on first goes to second and is thrown out, but the batter heading to first is safe, preventing a double play). So it doesn't look so bad at this point: a runner on first and one out. Micheal Brantley followed with a walk to put runners on first and second, then Asdrubal Cabrera singled. Jack Hannahan, who had grounded into the fielder's choice and was on second, scored. Shin-Soo Choo then flew out to deep center field, but Brantley tagged up and moved to third. 1 in, 2 on, 2 out. Cabrera then stole second, but it didn't matter as the next batter, Santana, drew his second walk. Bases loaded, 1 out. Travis Hafner didn't keep the bases loaded for long, hitting a double which knocked in all three runners. 4 runs in, runner on second, 2 out. Orlando Cabrera followed up with a single to score Hafner. That's five runs in now, with a runner on and still 2 out. Still a chance to get out of it. Nope. Travis Buck hit an infield single to the shortstop to put runners on first and second. Then LaPorta came up again. He hit a double, scoring both Buck and O. Cabrera. Hannahan followed with a single to right, putting two runners on base. Again. This time, Brantley hit a home run to deep center field. 10 runs. Still 2 out. Finally, mercifully, A. Cabrera struck out to end it.
How bad was that one inning? Every hitter got on base at least once except for Choo. In fact, Choo and Santana were the only ones without a base hit. LaPorta had two hits in the inning, Brantley reached base with the walk and the homer.
The worst part? Manager Ned Yost made Mazzaro go out for the fifth. IT'S 13-1. WHY LEAVE HIM TO SUFFER?
Anyway... the fifth was mercifully shorter. Mazzaro got Choo to fly out to left field, but then melted down again. Santana doubled, Hafner walked, and O. Cabrera singled. Bases loaded, 1 out. Sound familiar? Well, there wouldn't be a bases clearing double this time up. But Buck did manage a single, which scored Santana. Finally, mercifully, Yost pulled Mazzaro. Of course, his night wasn't officially over. He had put the three runners on base, so if they scored, the runs would be charged to him. Right on cue, LaPorta hit a double, scoring Hafner and Cabrera, and Buck scored on a groundout by Hannahan. 14 runs, 2.1 innings. Kansas City lost, 19-1. Mazzaro was immediately demoted to AAA.
So what would Mazzaro have said after the game? Well, maybe he can sing... so here's a song for him. To the tune of "Make It Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against:
Woah, woah.
Bang, bang go the batted balls
Over the wall, they're gone forever.
This happened Monday,
Now I'm back in Triple-A
Think back to better days
We pitched the major leagues together
Kyle Davies needs a shoulder
I can't keep doing this
Why can't I just get pulled
My manager's a joke
Please, Ned Yost
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
Bang bang from LaPorta's bat
He knocked in four, more than my whole team
This pitching is awful
I'm done sucking, take me out
One team, and we're fading fast
Started good, but we suck again
I'm not helping our cause
But Kyle don't do that again.
It's always darkest when you pitch like that
But now I'm in the minors where I belong
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
My fastball was leaving the park
Faster than it left my hand
My other pitches, well
They just plain sucked
Too many runs have crossed the plate
From the balls I throw,
And the strikes they hit real hard
When will Ned call to the pen?
I need relief, I'm getting creamed
I'm getting smoked, some mercy please?
Some mercy please?
Make it stop, let this end
Mike Brantley raked, Santana was good
Hafner owned, Buck beat throws
Thank goodness I got Choo...
In their game Monday against the Cleveland Indians, starter Kyle Davies got one out in the first inning, loaded the bases, and left with a sore shoulder. Nate Adcock came in and lasted until the top of the third inning, when he walked Indians catcher Carlos Santana. Then Mazzaro came on. He finished the third without incident.
Then the fourth destroyed him.
First baseman Matt LaPorta singled, then was erased in a fielder's choice (for my non-baseball friends, that's when a batter hits the ball with a runner on first; the runner on first goes to second and is thrown out, but the batter heading to first is safe, preventing a double play). So it doesn't look so bad at this point: a runner on first and one out. Micheal Brantley followed with a walk to put runners on first and second, then Asdrubal Cabrera singled. Jack Hannahan, who had grounded into the fielder's choice and was on second, scored. Shin-Soo Choo then flew out to deep center field, but Brantley tagged up and moved to third. 1 in, 2 on, 2 out. Cabrera then stole second, but it didn't matter as the next batter, Santana, drew his second walk. Bases loaded, 1 out. Travis Hafner didn't keep the bases loaded for long, hitting a double which knocked in all three runners. 4 runs in, runner on second, 2 out. Orlando Cabrera followed up with a single to score Hafner. That's five runs in now, with a runner on and still 2 out. Still a chance to get out of it. Nope. Travis Buck hit an infield single to the shortstop to put runners on first and second. Then LaPorta came up again. He hit a double, scoring both Buck and O. Cabrera. Hannahan followed with a single to right, putting two runners on base. Again. This time, Brantley hit a home run to deep center field. 10 runs. Still 2 out. Finally, mercifully, A. Cabrera struck out to end it.
How bad was that one inning? Every hitter got on base at least once except for Choo. In fact, Choo and Santana were the only ones without a base hit. LaPorta had two hits in the inning, Brantley reached base with the walk and the homer.
The worst part? Manager Ned Yost made Mazzaro go out for the fifth. IT'S 13-1. WHY LEAVE HIM TO SUFFER?
Anyway... the fifth was mercifully shorter. Mazzaro got Choo to fly out to left field, but then melted down again. Santana doubled, Hafner walked, and O. Cabrera singled. Bases loaded, 1 out. Sound familiar? Well, there wouldn't be a bases clearing double this time up. But Buck did manage a single, which scored Santana. Finally, mercifully, Yost pulled Mazzaro. Of course, his night wasn't officially over. He had put the three runners on base, so if they scored, the runs would be charged to him. Right on cue, LaPorta hit a double, scoring Hafner and Cabrera, and Buck scored on a groundout by Hannahan. 14 runs, 2.1 innings. Kansas City lost, 19-1. Mazzaro was immediately demoted to AAA.
So what would Mazzaro have said after the game? Well, maybe he can sing... so here's a song for him. To the tune of "Make It Stop (September's Children)" by Rise Against:
Woah, woah.
Bang, bang go the batted balls
Over the wall, they're gone forever.
This happened Monday,
Now I'm back in Triple-A
Think back to better days
We pitched the major leagues together
Kyle Davies needs a shoulder
I can't keep doing this
Why can't I just get pulled
My manager's a joke
Please, Ned Yost
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
Bang bang from LaPorta's bat
He knocked in four, more than my whole team
This pitching is awful
I'm done sucking, take me out
One team, and we're fading fast
Started good, but we suck again
I'm not helping our cause
But Kyle don't do that again.
It's always darkest when you pitch like that
But now I'm in the minors where I belong
Make it stop, let this end
I can't pitch apparently
It's come to this, I can't throw strikes
Losing ballgames, singing
Woah, woah.
My fastball was leaving the park
Faster than it left my hand
My other pitches, well
They just plain sucked
Too many runs have crossed the plate
From the balls I throw,
And the strikes they hit real hard
When will Ned call to the pen?
I need relief, I'm getting creamed
I'm getting smoked, some mercy please?
Some mercy please?
Make it stop, let this end
Mike Brantley raked, Santana was good
Hafner owned, Buck beat throws
Thank goodness I got Choo...
Saturday 14 May 2011
Derek Boogaard and Death
My first post. It seems a little depressing to start a blog by talking about death, but that's where my thoughts have been going of late. I can attribute that to the sudden passing of New York Rangers forward Derek Boogaard.
Now I didn't know Derek personally. I watched him on TV (not often, he played in Minnesota for most of his career and the Leafs didn't see them that often). "The Boogeyman," as he was known, was not a star. He could barely skate compared to some of the guys on his team. He could shoot, but he didn't use it that often. His greatest strength was his fighting ability. He went toe-to-toe with the best of them. Laraque, MacIntyre, Ivanans, Belak, Orr, Godard. They all had the same role: to raise hell and get the other team off their game, but also to protect their star players. And Boogaard was one of the best at it. He stood 6'7", making him one of the tallest players to play the game - I can only think of Tyler Myers and Zdeno Chara as player taller than him off the top of my head. He wasn't lanky, though: weighing in at 265 pounds, he had 10 pounds on the man they call 'Big Z' and 40 on the young defenceman Myers. I'm not a small human being, but this guy had five inches and 60 pounds on me.
He had highlight-reel fight after highlight-reel fight. He rarely lost. Fans loved him in Minnesota. Even when he became a free agent and departed for New York, there wasn't a lot of hate there - who wouldn't turn down a job that paid you $6 million over the next four years of your life?
He struggled in New York. He scored one goal, had two assists, and dropped the gloves seven times. He played his last game of the year on December 9, 2010, when Matt Carkner of the Ottawa Senators landed one solid punch to the noggin that gave him a concussion. He also was suffering from a damaged shoulder and would miss the rest of the regular season. Micheal Russo, a reporter for a newspaper in Minneapolis and a friend of Boogaard said that Derek was looking forward to getting back to hockey, back to being a Ranger, back to doing what he did best.
Then yesterday morning, his brothers Ryan and Aaron found Derek dead in his apartment. He was 28.
There is so much that Boogaard did that was good for the communities he lived and played in. But those stories are not mine to share, I'll let others more qualified do so. The one thing I will remember most from his career, however, happened on November 30, 2010. Washington Capitals defenceman Tyler Sloan misplayed the puck at the blue line and Boogaard chased down the puck. He caught up to it at about centre ice, crossed into the Washington zone, and simply wound up and fired the puck. I don't know if Michal Neuvirth ever saw the puck as it went over his right shoulder and into the net. In the ensuing celebration, Boogaard looked so happy - he hadn't scored in four years before that slapper worthy of a player like Shea Weber or even the previously mentioned Chara. Goals were hard to come by for guys like him. But when it did happen, he could cherish those moments.
And that kinda leads into what I want to say about death, or rather, life. We only get one chance at life. We don't get many opportunities to really do something big. So when you do get those opportunities, don't waste them. Don't believe the lie that says 'oh, you'll get another chance at it.' You don't know that. Derek Boogaard had a choice when he scored that goal. His teammate Erik Christensen was wide open on the break, and could have scored had Derek decided to pass it over to him. But Boogaard went for it and he scored.
I'm not saying here that every time you take that chance you are going to do something big. I'm not saying don't ever pass the puck. I'm only saying that you have a finite number of opportunities to be the person God calls you to be.
Don't waste them.
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
-Switchfoot, "This Is Your Life"
Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost.
-Avenged Sevenfold, "Seize the Day"
Arise and be all that you dreamed, all that you dreamed.
-Flyleaf, "Arise"
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
-Linkin Park, "In the End
It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
-Randy Travis, "Three Wooden Crosses"
RIP Derek Boogaard (1982-2011)
Now I didn't know Derek personally. I watched him on TV (not often, he played in Minnesota for most of his career and the Leafs didn't see them that often). "The Boogeyman," as he was known, was not a star. He could barely skate compared to some of the guys on his team. He could shoot, but he didn't use it that often. His greatest strength was his fighting ability. He went toe-to-toe with the best of them. Laraque, MacIntyre, Ivanans, Belak, Orr, Godard. They all had the same role: to raise hell and get the other team off their game, but also to protect their star players. And Boogaard was one of the best at it. He stood 6'7", making him one of the tallest players to play the game - I can only think of Tyler Myers and Zdeno Chara as player taller than him off the top of my head. He wasn't lanky, though: weighing in at 265 pounds, he had 10 pounds on the man they call 'Big Z' and 40 on the young defenceman Myers. I'm not a small human being, but this guy had five inches and 60 pounds on me.
He had highlight-reel fight after highlight-reel fight. He rarely lost. Fans loved him in Minnesota. Even when he became a free agent and departed for New York, there wasn't a lot of hate there - who wouldn't turn down a job that paid you $6 million over the next four years of your life?
He struggled in New York. He scored one goal, had two assists, and dropped the gloves seven times. He played his last game of the year on December 9, 2010, when Matt Carkner of the Ottawa Senators landed one solid punch to the noggin that gave him a concussion. He also was suffering from a damaged shoulder and would miss the rest of the regular season. Micheal Russo, a reporter for a newspaper in Minneapolis and a friend of Boogaard said that Derek was looking forward to getting back to hockey, back to being a Ranger, back to doing what he did best.
Then yesterday morning, his brothers Ryan and Aaron found Derek dead in his apartment. He was 28.
There is so much that Boogaard did that was good for the communities he lived and played in. But those stories are not mine to share, I'll let others more qualified do so. The one thing I will remember most from his career, however, happened on November 30, 2010. Washington Capitals defenceman Tyler Sloan misplayed the puck at the blue line and Boogaard chased down the puck. He caught up to it at about centre ice, crossed into the Washington zone, and simply wound up and fired the puck. I don't know if Michal Neuvirth ever saw the puck as it went over his right shoulder and into the net. In the ensuing celebration, Boogaard looked so happy - he hadn't scored in four years before that slapper worthy of a player like Shea Weber or even the previously mentioned Chara. Goals were hard to come by for guys like him. But when it did happen, he could cherish those moments.
And that kinda leads into what I want to say about death, or rather, life. We only get one chance at life. We don't get many opportunities to really do something big. So when you do get those opportunities, don't waste them. Don't believe the lie that says 'oh, you'll get another chance at it.' You don't know that. Derek Boogaard had a choice when he scored that goal. His teammate Erik Christensen was wide open on the break, and could have scored had Derek decided to pass it over to him. But Boogaard went for it and he scored.
I'm not saying here that every time you take that chance you are going to do something big. I'm not saying don't ever pass the puck. I'm only saying that you have a finite number of opportunities to be the person God calls you to be.
Don't waste them.
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
-Switchfoot, "This Is Your Life"
Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost.
-Avenged Sevenfold, "Seize the Day"
Arise and be all that you dreamed, all that you dreamed.
-Flyleaf, "Arise"
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
-Linkin Park, "In the End
It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you
It's what you leave behind you when you go.
-Randy Travis, "Three Wooden Crosses"
RIP Derek Boogaard (1982-2011)
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